As a punishment for an unpremeditated crime, talking, I was sentenced to the writing of an essay explaining why I indulge in this criminal offence.
My trial was short and quick and although my defence was well planned and constructed, it was to no avail in my efforts to sway the ruling judge's decision. Thus as a result of my crime, I am now carrying out my sentence.
My full sentence was to explain in detail why I indulge in the criminal act of talking. This topic bewilders me as the answer is beyond my limited scope, but to the best of my ability I will reveal the knowledge that I do possess.
Ever since I was knee-high to a grasshopper, my tongue has had an inexplicable urge to move up and down, around and around, this emitting sounds known better as talking. This extraordinary urge has everyone baffled. Nobody can explain it and one doctor feels that the origin of this restlessness was that perhaps my tongue had experienced a disturbing childhood.
The only disturbance I can remember my tongue experiencing was one time when I poured scalding coffee all over it. This made it wriggle faster than usual, emitting a sound known as a scream.
Since I am so uncertain why my tongue wriggles to and fro, up and down and so on, I will discontinue this useless narration.
Tony McCulloch 31