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Kunama 1971

I Was A Kindy Drop-out

by William Shakespeare

(affectionately known as "Billy the Kid")

Were you ever caught smoking crayons behind the toycupboard? - or better still, picking mushrooms from the fairy-ring (thinking they were hallucinatory). Unfortunately I was the one who never got away. I was caught every time - ruthlessly pounced upon and sent to the corner. Can you imagine having to spend most of the time sitting in the corner, not allowed to listen to "Kiddies Corner" or to play "Drop the Hanky" - I wasn't a bad kid until they started picking on me but solitary confinement in corners had funny effects on me

... I came up with strange ideas so as to amuse myself and so, every day when I was sent to the corner, I took my little scrap book to write them down in. It was lots of fun then because I started to write silly little plays like "Hamlet," "Macbeth" and "The Tempest," as well as nice little poems about the teacher, "My mistresses eyes . . . . "

It was a waste of time really and resulted n my downfall and extreme embarrassment - I should have known it would happen - after having written about thirty plays, I was discovered. Everything I had written was confiscated and after I had been marshalled into trial I discovered that it had been used in evidence against me, as I was accused of taking part in activities unfitting for one so young. The schoolma'am sternly gazed at me over her hornrimmed glasses before handing down the verdict of "Guilty... as sentence you will have to leave."

Therefore I was dishonourably discharged from kindy, to brood upon the foolhardiness of my writings.

Young folk, take warning from my sad tale, and refrain from doing anything unusual. Apart from being ostracised by teachers and classmates near and far, I am still being quoted throughout the world and burn with shameful memories at the thought of my short, stormy, kindy career.

Vicky Olsson 51

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